Stuff about me: Have you ever wanted to be the cooler, sexier, more popular one in a relationship, but still be with someone who is fun, loyal, caring, warm, and quite the conversationalist? This is your chance!! Also, if you date me now, we are throwing in an Amazon Fire tablet of a $150 value absolutely free! This offer will not last long (okay, it probably will last a bit long), so act... now-ish. I am all the above listed things, as well as quite the board game player. I also once thrashed Chuck Norris in a Denny's because he threatened to eat my Moon over my Hammy. Okay, that's made up. My perfect person should find this funny and charming, as well as be kind, warm, and affectionate. I look forward to hearing from you. I would like to go on a first date. I find it is easier to go on subsequent dates that way. I will kiss or hug on the first date, but never shake hands. Call me old fashioned, but unless there's a ring on my finger, I won't shake hands. A good first date involves me picking you up at your domicile, where you stay with your sister and your bespectacled son. Your sister disapproves, but she's just worried about you. Your son loves me and hugs me before we go. I also meet your nanny, who happens to have a weird obsession with Jazz. Somewhere Bruce Springsteen is playing. Wait, no. This is a scene from Jerry Maguire. Sorry. Our first date will be lovely and we will do something incredible and amazing. Elvis Costello will serenade us.
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